Diary of a Rad Fat Woman

Moving around as much as I have, and thereafter, Amanda and I have, makes maintaining friendships challenging to say the least. Most of my friends from my life before Amanda kind of discarded me when I cleansed myself of a couple of toxic people in my life. Taking sides is kind of the story of my life, and much like in grade school dodgeball, it goes without saying that I don't get picked first. 5 years ago this week, I began a relationship with she who would be my best friend for the rest of my life! In our short 5 years, we've lived in 4 cities! Every time, we hope that we can make a few local friends. Given the dynamic of our relationship, it's tricky because contrary to belief, we don't ONLY want to be friends with "people like us". Most heterosexual (or at least non-homosexual) friends that we meet default to wanting to "match" us to other GLBT people that they know. Fact is, we're just a normal couple, leading a normal life, and are...

Nobody told me how complicated it would be to raise a pre-pubescent girl. I never imagined it would be easy, but this business isn't for the faint of heart! I discovered recently that my sweet girl has an interest in a particular boy at her school. We've tried to emphasize that for an 11 year old, things that are important are school, family, fun, and friends. Boys and dating are something she will have plenty of time for in the future when she is mature enough to handle those kinds of relationships. It's not easy to instill these values when SO much of society is fighting against you. While we live in a pretty overwhelmingly conservative area, girls will be girls! All you have to do is watch TV for an hour or listen to the radio on the way to school to find that we're living in a very liberated generation when it comes to "romantic relations"! We're working VERY hard to fight the stigma that victims "ask" to be assaulted by dressing a c...

Those of you who are new to the party of getting to know me might be surprised to know that I've had a bit of a shaky past. Tumultuous failed relationships, perpetual, chronic bouts with poor health, and some pretty early abandonment issues. The fact that almost everything in my life is sailing along more perfectly than the best dream right now is nothing short of a miracle! I've fallen hard for partners who viewed me as less than, and I've invested countless energy, finances, and time in dead-end friendships. It's still hard for me to look at my life and accept that it's real and truly happening to me! So let's get to the point, eh? Until about 5 years ago, due to health-related reasons, it seemed like more of a risk for me to drive a car than it was worth, so I didn't. I got by just fine without one. I started working from home, made a decent enough wage to get by, and even when I had "outside" jobs, for the most part, I made it work. F...

Just about every time I go through something difficult, this song starts to play in my head. At the end of nearly every tumultuous disaster, something beautiful happens. Think of that moment that the sun peaks after the calm of a storm. If you look around, you're pretty likely to find the most beautiful rainbow! When my sweet girl is smiling and cuddling and persevering, it's hard to imagine that there could ever be hard times. When hard times come and I feel like I'll never get through to her it's nearly impossible to envision that rainbow. When I last posted, I admittedly wasn't very optimistic. As hard as things were then, I'm certain that even harder times are ahead. This week improved significantly. Despite a couple of homework related melt-downs and an ear infection accompanied by some nasty throat and sinus crud, she is back to her beautiful, bubbly, wonderful, cuddly, insightful self. With April officially here, next month we get a little clo...

Perhaps I need to assign myself written lines today!  I'm not feeling like a good Mom, I'm not feeling like a good wife, and I'm not really feeling like a good citizen.  The past few days have been challenging.  It's hard to remember, when I look at my sweet, thoughtful, beautiful, bright, insightful girl, that she is a survivor.  It's hard to remember sometimes that our children are SUPER broken.  That often they've spent the majority of their little lives in broken, dysfunctional homes that needed help that nobody was there to give. Friday our girl had a doctor's appointment so we stopped in a thrift store where one of my fellow foster Mamma friends works.  We bee-lined for the book section because our girl is a voracious reader!   Among the stacks of various books was this little gem!  "You're a Better Parent Than You Think!"  "Well, self" I said, "You're kind of rocking this parent thing.  I wouldn't say you NEED thi...

Friday evening we arrived at St Louis children's hospital!  Our girl was in good spirits and we had a fun evening as we settled in and waited for what would be the most trying, challenging, and emotionally exhausting time of our short time together!  I had already had a very long day running around like the Energizer Bunny trying to get everything done that needed to be done so we could return home to a clean, comfortable home.  What we expected would start upon our arrival, didn't commence until nearly midnight.  We were all exhausted, emotional, and ill prepared for what was about to happen.  We had a reservation at the "adjacent" (read 5k walk) to the hotel.  Our girl decided she wanted Amanda to stay with her the first night, so I made the trek back to the hotel.  NICE accommodations but due to the late hour, I had to wait to be let into the hotel once I arrived, and that seemed like another hour. (probably 5 minutes and the walk was probably reall...