ALL I have to do is worship!

It's been a while since I've touched this little bit of internet bronze and I don't know if anyone will even read it, but it feels good to hammer out my thoughts, so here goes! It's been MORE than challenging around here lately! The struggle bus folks came in and built a bus stop right in the middle of our house. It was a LONG, STRESSFUL, DEMANDING couple of months! We learned in PRIDE (the classes you take to be licensed to be foster parents) that there is a honeymoon period which is sort of a calm before the storm. We expected it while optimistically hoped that since the Lord had worked out things so wonderfully for us, the honeymoon would never end and the storm would avoid our house. It didn't avoid our house, not even a little! It's REALLY hard to parent a broken child, y'all! It's EASY to listen to the heartbreaking stories on the news of children who have been abused and neglected and say to your family "I'd take every one of those precious babies!" It's EASY to say "Oh I'd just love them through it!" It's EASY to say "They just need somebody who's there for them every day!" It's HARD to be there every day. It's HARD to love on them when they're destroying your peace. It's HARD to be consistent when they're treating you like dirt because they're clinging so hard to the family that broke them. It's HARD when they don't understand the whys and hows. It's HARD when you don't either. It's WORK to take the steps needed to open your home to them. It's DIRTY, it's not even a LITTLE bit glamorous, and it can get UGLY! I've received more praise over the past 5 months for doing what we're doing for our child than I have for anything in my life. I'm not doing it for praise. I'm doing it for that little 16 month old baby lying in a crib somewhere in Chicago who might not have had the best future. I'm doing it for my own self. I'm doing it so that when I die, I can say my life had a purpose. I'm doing it so that my child can have a future far more promising than she ever would have. I'm doing it so that when she's out living the dream, she knows she has a FAMILY to celebrate with. I was born to be this girl's Mom and I was born to be Amanda's wife. I was BORN to be Jennifer Moloney, a proud resident of a proud rural community in Illinois, the wife of the local band directing icon, and the Mom of a beautiful, bright, hilarious girl. Last week we sent our girl to Church camp. I was a ball of the most conflicting emotions I can ever even imagine juggling. I was relieved that there would be peace in my house for a week, for which I felt guilt. I was nervous that she would fail to adjust to her first time being away from a family for more than an overnight, for which I felt fear. I was hesitant to let her go enjoy all of the things that camp had to offer because of all of the struggles we had been enduring here at home, for which I felt shame. I wasn't particularly thrilled with the camp, but most importantly and wonderfully, our girl asked Jesus into her heart while she was there. See, I had explained to her before she left that Jesus will take you JUST as you are. You don't have to be perfect to ask Jesus into your heart, and it's not possible to be perfect once He's living there. Someone had clearly taught her that Christians never do anything bad and that the standards for having a relationship with Jesus were unattainable. Has she slipped and made some bad choices since she's been home? Of course she has. She's an 11 year old, prepubescent, broken child. I'm going to remind her that all she has to do at night is just ask Jesus to forgive her and start over the next day! I'm going to remind her that we're NEVER giving up on her (for the millionth and a half time). I'm going to remind her that she IS CAPABLE of great things and she's not confined to the mold shaped by the people who raised her. Just before she started her chores today, just like every day for the past week, she asked if she could listen to worship music. YES! YES you may! Because Momma needs to worship too! Worship we will!!