Friday evening we arrived at St Louis children's hospital! Our girl was in good spirits and we had a fun evening as we settled in and waited for what would be the most trying, challenging, and emotionally exhausting time of our short time together! I had already had a very long day running around like the Energizer Bunny trying to get everything done that needed to be done so we could return home to a clean, comfortable home. What we expected would start upon our arrival, didn't commence until nearly midnight. We were all exhausted, emotional, and ill prepared for what was about to happen. We had a reservation at the "adjacent" (read 5k walk) to the hotel. Our girl decided she wanted Amanda to stay with her the first night, so I made the trek back to the hotel. NICE accommodations but due to the late hour, I had to wait to be let into the hotel once I arrived, and that seemed like another hour. (probably 5 minutes and the walk was probably really only a quarter of a mile) I took the most amazing shower ever, crawled into bed, set my alarm, and was snoozing before I could exhale.
Our girl didn't have a good night, I was awoken before my alarm was set to go off, and I woke feeling not even a little bit more rested than when I retired. Amanda was exhausted because it was an equally long night for her. We were probably all questioning our ability to make it through this process. I was definitely questioning my ability to be the best Mommy I could to someone so damaged with such a long road ahead of her. I was questioning my ability to share parenting responsibility with someone who was doing her best to be the best parent she knew how to be given the short time we had been thrown into the role! I was questioning everything and not feeling very confident. By bedtime Saturday our girl was in better spirits, but my heart was feeling a little empty. I put on as best a show as I could so she could focus on her healing, but my shortcomings were taking their toll on everything and everyone else!
Sunday morning Amanda returned from the hotel feeling VERY under the weather. She fell fast asleep on the mat where I had retired for the night and despite my exhaustion, my instincts kicked in and I knew I had to get it together and save the weekend! Our girl was more rested and in great spirits so we made the best of the rest of the day. We traveled to the play room where I think we both learned that what we had gone through in the past 2 days was a cakewalk compared to what some of the children camped out in the hospital were enduring every hour. I learned that there are Moms out there trucking through challenges far worse than those for which I have enrolled. I learned that my girl is just as beautiful and bright and thoughtful and compassionate as I thought she was before our worst days. She has a way of reaching out to people that literally just mystifies me. What a blessing I have been awarded to have her in my life! We tried to make it as "normal" of a day as you can under such conditions. We laughed and walked, and entertained sweet babies through windows and snuggled, and at the end of the day, despite the circumstances, it had been about the best day we had shared together!
Today we awoke to the amazing overdue news that we would be going home! Suddenly that little room didn't seem so awful! I'm not in love with St Louis Children's Hospital. I'm not looking forward to our followup returns. I don't want to see my girl go through any more misery and I don't want to deal with a facility that doesn't seem to be sure how to care for patients. By this morning, I had earned the title of Mom, Nurse, Doctor, and Psychologist. Worth it? Absolutely!
Our girl didn't have a good night, I was awoken before my alarm was set to go off, and I woke feeling not even a little bit more rested than when I retired. Amanda was exhausted because it was an equally long night for her. We were probably all questioning our ability to make it through this process. I was definitely questioning my ability to be the best Mommy I could to someone so damaged with such a long road ahead of her. I was questioning my ability to share parenting responsibility with someone who was doing her best to be the best parent she knew how to be given the short time we had been thrown into the role! I was questioning everything and not feeling very confident. By bedtime Saturday our girl was in better spirits, but my heart was feeling a little empty. I put on as best a show as I could so she could focus on her healing, but my shortcomings were taking their toll on everything and everyone else!
Sunday morning Amanda returned from the hotel feeling VERY under the weather. She fell fast asleep on the mat where I had retired for the night and despite my exhaustion, my instincts kicked in and I knew I had to get it together and save the weekend! Our girl was more rested and in great spirits so we made the best of the rest of the day. We traveled to the play room where I think we both learned that what we had gone through in the past 2 days was a cakewalk compared to what some of the children camped out in the hospital were enduring every hour. I learned that there are Moms out there trucking through challenges far worse than those for which I have enrolled. I learned that my girl is just as beautiful and bright and thoughtful and compassionate as I thought she was before our worst days. She has a way of reaching out to people that literally just mystifies me. What a blessing I have been awarded to have her in my life! We tried to make it as "normal" of a day as you can under such conditions. We laughed and walked, and entertained sweet babies through windows and snuggled, and at the end of the day, despite the circumstances, it had been about the best day we had shared together!
Today we awoke to the amazing overdue news that we would be going home! Suddenly that little room didn't seem so awful! I'm not in love with St Louis Children's Hospital. I'm not looking forward to our followup returns. I don't want to see my girl go through any more misery and I don't want to deal with a facility that doesn't seem to be sure how to care for patients. By this morning, I had earned the title of Mom, Nurse, Doctor, and Psychologist. Worth it? Absolutely!
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