Diary of a Rad Fat Woman

Perhaps I need to assign myself written lines today!  I'm not feeling like a good Mom, I'm not feeling like a good wife, and I'm not really feeling like a good citizen.  The past few days have been challenging.  It's hard to remember, when I look at my sweet, thoughtful, beautiful, bright, insightful girl, that she is a survivor.  It's hard to remember sometimes that our children are SUPER broken.  That often they've spent the majority of their little lives in broken, dysfunctional homes that needed help that nobody was there to give. Friday our girl had a doctor's appointment so we stopped in a thrift store where one of my fellow foster Mamma friends works.  We bee-lined for the book section because our girl is a voracious reader!   Among the stacks of various books was this little gem!  "You're a Better Parent Than You Think!"  "Well, self" I said, "You're kind of rocking this parent thing.  I wouldn't say you NEED thi...

Friday evening we arrived at St Louis children's hospital!  Our girl was in good spirits and we had a fun evening as we settled in and waited for what would be the most trying, challenging, and emotionally exhausting time of our short time together!  I had already had a very long day running around like the Energizer Bunny trying to get everything done that needed to be done so we could return home to a clean, comfortable home.  What we expected would start upon our arrival, didn't commence until nearly midnight.  We were all exhausted, emotional, and ill prepared for what was about to happen.  We had a reservation at the "adjacent" (read 5k walk) to the hotel.  Our girl decided she wanted Amanda to stay with her the first night, so I made the trek back to the hotel.  NICE accommodations but due to the late hour, I had to wait to be let into the hotel once I arrived, and that seemed like another hour. (probably 5 minutes and the walk was probably reall...

Packing up bags, hoping my crochet project keeps my mind busy over the weekend, heading to St Louis so our girl can start her road to recovery!  I'm so head over heels, over the moon in love with this girl! This week has been a learning curve of a lifetime!  Registering for school, remembering all the things 11 year old girls need at school, early bedtimes, organized meals, and waking up earlier than I have in months for a solid week.  Accompanied by all that have been LOTS of hugs, laughs, and moments of bliss I never dreamed would be possible in the first week of parenting! I had respect for foster parents before, but that has elevated by hundreds of percents, ESPECIALLY those who don't have children of their own!  To go from having a spontaneous, indulgent, self-absorbed existence to focusing every ounce of your spare mental and emotional energy into a little creature (or in some cases, group of creatures) in a matter of seconds is daunting to say the least. ...

I remember the day we joked in our training to become licensed to be foster parents that it would be an absolute nightmare if we took a St Louis Cardinals fan into our home!  Amanda and I are avid Cubs fans, saw them 3 times last year in 3 different stadiums.. lost our voices the night they clenched the World Series.. LOVE them!  As with any good rivalry, there's a LOT of animosity between Cards fans and Cubs fans! So NATURALLY, the girl that was seemingly created to be a part of our home is a Cards fan!!!!! (insert all the forlorn and angry emojis here!) We couldn't be more excited to surprise her with a trip to St. Louis on Mother's Day for a good ole' rivalry game between the Cards and Cubs.  Of COURSE I had to get my little Star Wars St. Louis Cardinals loving nerdy girl a Cards shirt with a Star Wars reference (yes, Amanda had to explain it to me..) complete with a coordinating hair bow and bracelet!  I can't even wait to see her face when we tell her we'r...

While I realize my readers here are minimal, it's really nice to get my thoughts out because I'm sure it will be wonderful to look back in about 10 years and relive how amazing this journey has been.  Or maybe when bad days come, I can find comfort in remembering just why we took this step and how amazingly wonderful our bright little girl is! Today I lived the moment every Mom experiences at one time or another, the first day of school! While not the most traditional, having a 5th grader start in the middle of spring semester, I still felt all the emotions dropping her off at the door!  We were blessed to be greeted by the principal who recognized us right away, which really put my mind at ease that she's in great hands.  Naturally I immediately fired off an email to the guidance counselor and was assured she's having a great day!  Of course she is!  She's amazing!  I'm the hot mess! It's not even quite lunch time and I'm parked on my couch for a quic...

Had you told me a week ago what my life would look like today, I would have given you classic Jen-eye and asked but surely enough, Friday afternoon after a whirlwind 48 hours of what ifs, a bright, beautiful, smart, insightful, loving, hilarious little girl moved into our home!  We survived our first weekend quite swimmingly if I do say so myself!!  I really struggled with how it would feel to have a child around full time and if I really had that "parenting thing" in me.  Do I ever!  Both of us have adapted quite nicely to our roles and for as long as God will keep her here, we're looking forward starting our new family in our new house as if we're new creatures!  Hard to remember what our boring lives were like pre-kiddo! ;)

My heart is pounding, my palms are sweating, my mind is racing, and my cup is running over!  Yesterday I was just a wife!  Today I'm a Mommy!  Today my life changes forever and I'm already so in love with this girl I can't handle it!  Today is a good day!  Today is the day I add the title of "Mom" to my self-description! Our home was owned before us by a fellow Foster Mom.  She has been a great support to me over the past two weeks and shared this with me yesterday! My life will undoubtedly be changed, and undeniably for the better!   Is she here yet?????