Skip to main content

If you only understood..

Dear Diary,
It seems I'm encountering so many people who tend to believe that the 'fix' for my life is as simple as getting a job. I think people may be starting to believe I'm not willing to work/lazy/unmotivated, what have you. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I'd be happy to work. I have no problem with working. The problem lies within the fact that when I work, I become manic.. money hungry.. before I know it, I'm working 3 jobs, and completely ignoring my health. Now that I have had a taste of consistent quality medical care, I realize its importance and would hate to sacrifice that. However, I can't continue to be other people's problem. This disease is truly, in every sense of the term, a pain in my ass! I hate it! No one but my mother understands it and it's so much to explain to the average joe and I don't feel I should have to. My condition at present is the result of years of neglect. I can't imagine it getting worse. I'm essentially one solid basal cell and they are growing and multiplying exponentially!
I really want to relocate. I have nothing to hold onto here. I have made some meaningful connections, but let's be honest. They've fizzled. I'm not going to continue to make efforts with people who wouldn't even notice if I dropped off the face of the universe. I've experienced more than my share of hurt here, and I'm not sure I can withstand much more!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letting Go...

Dear Diary, It seems it's finally time to leave Louisville and all the pain it's caused for me behind. I know that people probably think I'm just running from my problems, but I'm really trying to start my life over, on my terms, on my feet, and working on NEVER depending on another to take care of me again. People just can't be trusted. I'm sick and that will never change, but I'm just going to have to make a way for myself and pray that this stupid disease doesn't get the best of me. So, at this point next week, unless something miraculous happens, I'll be saying goodbye to Louisville and all it's trappings. I need to center, I need to focus on my relationship, or lack thereof, with my Savior, and I need purpose.
Post a Comment
Read more
We did it!!  We're officially homeowners! This house was ours before it was even listed!  I just had this feeling in the pit of my stomach about it and once we saw the inside, we were beyond in love!  That fateful open house solidified that it was meant for us!  Everything about the house was pretty much everything we ever wanted!  Thursday, February 9th we began another chapter in our forever future!  We had a minor little stumbling block to get our hands on it, but it was obviously meant to be ours.  Guess the sellers just needed a little divine intervention too! ;)  One of the best parts is that my super big sis gave me the very table I grew up around. Every holiday meal, every day's homework, every deep clean ;) was made around this very table and now it's in OUR home waiting for our growing little family!  Can't wait to play games, share meals, and help with homework at this very table!  Also given so generously to us was a bunk b...
Post a Comment
Read more

My past does NOT define me!

Those of you who are new to the party of getting to know me might be surprised to know that I've had a bit of a shaky past. Tumultuous failed relationships, perpetual, chronic bouts with poor health, and some pretty early abandonment issues. The fact that almost everything in my life is sailing along more perfectly than the best dream right now is nothing short of a miracle! I've fallen hard for partners who viewed me as less than, and I've invested countless energy, finances, and time in dead-end friendships. It's still hard for me to look at my life and accept that it's real and truly happening to me! So let's get to the point, eh? Until about 5 years ago, due to health-related reasons, it seemed like more of a risk for me to drive a car than it was worth, so I didn't. I got by just fine without one. I started working from home, made a decent enough wage to get by, and even when I had "outside" jobs, for the most part, I made it work. F...
Post a Comment
Read more