Diary of a Rad Fat Woman

Dear Diary, Well, well, well! It appears God has a sense of humor. Just when I had pulled up my anchor, given up hope, and prepared to sail along to a brighter shore, BOOM! The opportunity of a lifetime gets dropped into my lap. EVERY concern I've ever had about a career was addressed with a solitary interview. I have been offered a position with comprehensive medical benefits, sick time, respectable salary, and a schedule that can't be beat! All the things I had convinced myself I would never find and could never be worthy of. So, looks like I'm tossing the anchor back in and just changing the scenery a little! I'm excited about the prospect of a new life of my own! I know my Mamma had something to do with this! God is good! Just when I was about to give up on Him, HE gave me more of a blessing than I can contain! Grace! That's that and that's all!

Dear Diary, The time is quickly approaching for me to set my feet on a path. It seems more abundantly clear every day that this path is leading me away from Louisville. I wish, however, that people could understand why. Louisville has literally exhausted my spirit. I've endured more hurt here than I ever care to in my whole life. Everything I touch here turns to ashes. I've spent entirely too much time trusting others to hold me up when I should have been planting my own feet. I can't continue to lean on others to share my load. It's mine and mine alone. I don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing there, but I have to go. I want to stay. I want to already have a job, an apartment, a plan.. but most of me wants that for all the wrong reasons. There's another popular misconception. I'm not leaving because things aren't working out with her. If my choice had anything to do with her, I'd be staying until I wore her down. I jus...

Dear Diary, It seems it's finally time to leave Louisville and all the pain it's caused for me behind. I know that people probably think I'm just running from my problems, but I'm really trying to start my life over, on my terms, on my feet, and working on NEVER depending on another to take care of me again. People just can't be trusted. I'm sick and that will never change, but I'm just going to have to make a way for myself and pray that this stupid disease doesn't get the best of me. So, at this point next week, unless something miraculous happens, I'll be saying goodbye to Louisville and all it's trappings. I need to center, I need to focus on my relationship, or lack thereof, with my Savior, and I need purpose.

Dear Diary, It seems I'm encountering so many people who tend to believe that the 'fix' for my life is as simple as getting a job. I think people may be starting to believe I'm not willing to work/lazy/unmotivated, what have you. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I'd be happy to work. I have no problem with working. The problem lies within the fact that when I work, I become manic.. money hungry.. before I know it, I'm working 3 jobs, and completely ignoring my health. Now that I have had a taste of consistent quality medical care, I realize its importance and would hate to sacrifice that. However, I can't continue to be other people's problem. This disease is truly, in every sense of the term, a pain in my ass! I hate it! No one but my mother understands it and it's so much to explain to the average joe and I don't feel I should have to. My condition at present is the result of years of neglect. I can't imagine it getting ...